Wednesday, September 12, 2012

So much further by now...?

If you would have asked me ten years ago where I would be by the time I turned thirty, the answer would be no where near where I am. While I have done some things I am proud of (my children for one!) there are other things I haven't done that most have before they even turn eighteen. This post is a bit of a bucket list for the next year (hopefully less,possibly more). I think I would feel so much better about myself and my life if I accomplished even half of these, or just put a dent into it!

My list-

1. Get my licence (and car). I have been working on this for years. Literally. It's embarrassing. I have had my permit since I was 18. The last time I took my test, about a month ago, I took it at the same time as a 16 year old. He passed. I didn't. I'm almost thirty! I should at least know how to drive and get myself places. Especially with two children. It's insane to take the bus and depend on other people for rides everywhere. Every time I have to ask I feel like I am a huge inconvenience, and I don't want to feel that any more! This is one of my most important goals for the immediate future.

2. Lose weight. Not just a few pounds from the last holiday. A serious whole person. I hate looking at myself in the mirror. I used to be a size zero. Although I was unhealthy, it makes me feel like I have let myself go so much. Now I can't even shop without getting depressed. Beyond that I have health concerns. I want to be around for awhile for my kids. I think it would also help my mental health and self esteem. I realize this weight isn't going to melt off, but I want to make a substantial dip into what I need to lose. I am tired of feeling insecure and fat all the time! My total goal is to lose 140 lbs, so far I'm down twenty!

3.Scholastics. Having been in college for about nine months now, I am getting into the routine of school again. My problem seems to be motivation. I can never seem to find enough to do more than just "ok". That being said I have gotten mostly A's and B's. Which I am incredibly proud of. I never did that well in high school! Harder classes are to come though, so I need to really buckle down. (Biology, I hate you!!)

4. Career. Although the big goal is on hold, I still have near future ones. I am studying to get my Medical Office Coding certificate. While this isn't exactly what I had in mind when starting college, it's in the general field, and a lot of the classes I need for that can be applied to my larger goal- Nursing! I plan to have my RN and BSN. This is something I have wanted to do for a long time and got waylaid by marriage and children. While I love my kids, I feel like a lot of my life was spent doing what others thought I should, and now I want to do something for me. I have wanted this for a long long time!

5. Be more secure in myself. I am probably the most insecure person I know. I always second guess myself, and always blame myself harshly for anything that goes wrong. It will be hard, but I want to be able to trust myself and my decisions without having a heart attack everytime I make one! I also need to learn to chill out and that things aren't always my fault, or something that I control. I need to learn to relinquish control to fate every now and again! Stop being a self-persecuting perfectionist!

All in all I want to come out from this a better, stronger, healthier more independent me. While this is scary in one sense, it is something I crave so badly! I want to be able to go without asking for help, be sure of myself, and proud of the life I have created for me and my children.  

Tuesday, December 21, 2010

So this is Christmas....?

I remember six months ago being pregnant and thinking 'aww my baby will be two months old at Christmas!' It seemed so far away, yet here we are!
As I was shopping for my son, (and yes my daughter but that's really for me haha) it amazed me how many turn into completely different people. Some turn into over spenders getting their three year old things a three year old doesn't even need..laptop anyone?? If those are so easy to come by, pass one this way! At least I could appreciate it!
Other people become what others fondly refer to as "scrooge"... Whether they spend no money or are watching how much they spend, those that over indulge in "holiday spirit" see the penny pinchers as having none.
Since when was our holiday happiness and spirit judged by how much we spend? I remember as a kid I was lucky to get one or two things off my list. Now kids have been taught to expect everything they ask for. This causes them to become ungrateful. God forbid, you miss one present from their list.
Shopping for my kids, on a budget ( while I was a bit disheartened at first) I got everything for both of my kids for under 60 dollars! And they will have a great Christmas!
As I was reveling in my success, there was what I thought a mother and father with a cart full for their large family. Seeing my sparse cart, they asked how many kids I had. I answered I had two and then returned the question expecting to hear at least three kids. I almost fell over when they said one..A cart full for one child? Seriously?
I realize I will never be able to get them everything they want. However, they will be happy. Yes the gifts and toys give them momentary happiness, but it's really the love and closeness of family that will remain with them.
Looking back at my childhood the gift I remember most was a prank, not a large obnoxiously priced item. And it's a wonderfully warm memory.
I only hope my children can have the same feelings when they look back. Christmas is not about credit cards or even toys, but in the hussle and the bussle of the season we tend to replace hugs and I love you's with presents and money.
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Friday, December 17, 2010

True Friends vs Fair Weathereds

Over the past two months I have been lucky enough to get reacquainted with a lot of old friends. Alot of who I had terrible failings out with, some just separated through life circumstances.
I've also noticed in the last few months that people I thought were true friends have magically disappeared. Whether my current lifestyle wasn't working for them or they just got busy, many have taken a leave of absence.
The one thing I have noticed though is when reconnecting with old friends, it's amazing after years, you can pick up where you left off. Yes, life has happened and you both bring new experiences to the table, but in certain aspects it seems there was never a separation. Whether it be a general camaraderie, or the ability to talk on the phone for hours, that warm friendship still exists.
All in all I am thankful for the friends that I have that are like family to me. Even more so at this time of year I would be lost without you guys. And I thank God for knowing the difference between a true friend and a fair weathered one.
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Thursday, December 16, 2010

What's wrong with the original?

Have been asked to write another blog, so here goes, although shortened a bit as I cannot log into my account through my computer, and thus am using my phone..yay technology!!!
So last week I was wasting some time at Fred Meyer. Some would not be appropriate, as it was really 2-3 hours! And I picked the one Fred Meyer with no apparel department! Nightmare!!!
So after going through the cosmetic, toy, and jewelry sections about 25 times I ventured out into "other parts" of the store. I ended up in the home improvement section. Sadly, Tim Allen was no where around, though I did search hopelessly for him. I surmised he had some kind of injury and needed medical care, but I am getting off subject. :)
while looking at paint color schemes and putting together ideas for a new eye shadow theme in my head,I saw something that left me speechless.. 25 different colors of duct tape. Pink, yellow, red, orange, green, blue, camo....I don't even know what to say about camoflaged duct tape...what are you trying to hide?? There was also duct tape with flames and leopard and zebra print. Not exactly sure how you'd use those...i don't think a zebra or leopard would let you close enough to implement your diabolical duct taping plan...
However, with this plethora of color, regular old grey tape was no where to be found. The closest was a nice, shiny silver one could compare to tin foil. But poor, normal grey was now apparently useless in this rainbow of adhesives.
This brought to mind my question..what was wrong with the original? Did using regular duct tape become an obsolete practice? This goes for many things as our old ipod from 2 months ago really that bad because it doesn't have 500gb of storage? Are our computers unusable because of the new touch screen models? The same argument can be used for cell phones as well.
People always seem to want to trade up to something bigger and better, whether that be appliances, technology or even other people. Unfortunently within 6 months there is a new better gadget and what you have is old news.
Sadly human nature has been conditioned to never be satisfied. Whether it be a new job, new toy or a new relationship, we are always searching for the next big thing to make us happy. In reality, plain grey duct tape could have held our attention forever.
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Monday, December 6, 2010

Patience in Parenting..

I am sitting up with my daughter, and she is screaming her head off. As I'm sure with most parents (at least Mother's) I feel absolutely retched not knowing what to do to help her! Seeking guidance from a "professional" I've come to find that I have absolutely no patience for my time being wasted. Here is a nurse that is supposed to be helping and all she does is take down the information I give her and tell me to keep an eye on my daughter. Um, excuse me, that's what I've been doing all day! I called you because my eye keeping isn't helping her!
I've come to find though, that the true test of patience comes not with adults but the actual child. When they are infants, you are tested by being sleep deprived, time deprived and just plain ...DEPRIVED!(Sorry,Thesarus writers, deprived is deprived!) Then they start to sleep through the night. Hallelujah! Parent has their life back!!!....WRONG! Two days later they start teething and you wish they were newborns again waking you up every two hours to eat instead of crying non stop until Timmy and Tammy the Tooth decide to make an appearance! Repeat for the next 6 months to 1 1/2 years!
Right around 2 years of age they start talking, and they learn every parents dreaded word "NO!" "Sweetheart, stop painting the walls neon green..." "NO!" oh boy...Hope you like Day Glo! This will be their favorite word from this point til they are either 18 and far enough away for Parent to no longer hear it, or they have their own children and are served a wonderfully warm dish of payback!
At three, they are learning to discover who they are as a person...and what that round white thing in the bathroom is for! Some are terrified of the loud monster in the bathroom! Others are curious...from a distance. Still others hop up there and get to it! But God forbid, the one day you put them in "big kid undies" and go to the supermarket, their bowels fail them and everyone looks at the wet spot on YOU wondering who your potty trainer was.
This continues until they are 5 and Parent can ship them off to school, so they can interact with other Day Glo using, bowel failing children!
With all their unique personalities, their good sides and bad., children are a blessing. But someone, somewhere has to have a manual for when these angels decide to run through Costco at age 4 bare naked, screaming they want a candy bar..or a toy...or some thing that will be taken home, and promptly broken, and said child will be destroyed...Or when your baby brings home "that boy" and you have nothing to say beyond "over my dead body!!"
As a parent, you learn to take the good with the bad, knowing that this soon will pass! You WILL get your life back...piece by slow piece, and then....the best part of all...You can spoil their kids, and send them home to Mom and Dad so THEY can put up with markered walls, sugar highs and loud obnoxious electronic toys.
Ah, Parenthood, a dish best served CRAZY!